Another stressful shift. Years back, I’d go to some stores on the way back home to buy things to entertain me. Years before that, the liquor store. Now that I have some semblance of sanity about me, I know when those oppressive feelings obliterate any sense of normalcy, the last thing to do is binge on anything. These aren’t even the best times to row. It’s better to calm down and sleep. Row while calm.
My fears are always lingering, like when we peer out from behind the curtains of our mind’s eye out into the void where an unknowable creature lumbers, and yet, where are they really? Is it in the truck that swerves too close into your lane because of the sharper curve in the road or because of the first rainfall in weeks? Is it the passerby that might become aggressive? Do fears have a physical address?
I’ve burned off nearly 50 pounds since the start of this Rowing Machine adventure in late March 2017. The problem is I don’t have much proof that I once weighed 267 pounds and now weigh 219.5 pounds, other than one weigh-in, some photos showing a heavier me, and my memories. I have less evidence of my “60 pounds down in 6 months” achievement of my early 20s and my 67 pounds up in my mid-20s. How can I still claim such “miracles?”
I have nearly two shelves in my refrigerator dedicated to caffeine. Those energy drinks, along with a coffee machine with enough for some time, are like my mind’s way of saying I’m not really over with addiction. It’s just transferred to something less harmful, perhaps. My gut has felt rotten occasionally for a few weeks now. It might be hunger. It might be excessive caffeine. It could just be not scheduling enough time for sleep.
Even though I don’t agree with all of it and skipped some sections, Tim Ferriss’s 4-Hour Body is perhaps the best book on amateur fitness. Through breezy anecdotes, Ferriss invites anyone through a journey from having no knowledge of health and fitness to mastering the basics, practicing the intermediary concepts, to even self-actualizing into a sport that can help you attain and sustain your fitness goals, whether it’s losing weight, becoming healthier, or becoming superhuman.
Rating: ★★★★★ [5/5]
I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on the Internet. I have studied physical fitness for ten years, read medical articles amateur and professional, and am a rigorous self-experimenter. If there’s one result I have constantly seen to improve or vicissitude my health, it’s my overall water intake. If I’m hungry or thirsty often I’ll be sick in close proximity. If I drink water, eat small consistent meals, exercise, and rest, I’m unstoppable.
There are mornings where I wake up to the screaming of yesterday’s thoughts, their agonizing recreations of contorted events plaguing my routine. I know it’s all imaginary, but sometimes, like the ants that appear out of nowhere and after I clean up after them only to see them still there, it’s difficult to turn away to continue my absurdist façade. These are the “some” days that are worst than “most.” Here are my coping mechanisms.