Hate and fear often circulate my brain. These thoughts press out any positivity. How do, or can, I cope? During these times, I’ll think of how others handle similar situations. When I worked at a newspaper, impossible though it was to break into the journalists’s inner sanctum or profession, I saw insider secrets. Posted with pride along one printer wall was the most ludicrous hatemail. Gloriously crazed individuals complaining about nothing. Emblazoned: “WALL OF HATE.”
I’ve put on a few pounds since last week. Besides addressing some lingering stress, holding onto other stress, encountering more stress, drinking some high-fructose corn syrup drinks, and eating an entire bag of “healthy” snacks over a three-day period, or less, it’s just been a rough week. That said, putting on a few pounds isn’t like breaking sobriety. It does tell me, however, that I need to more careful. If untended, I could become unhealthier.
“Are you pregnant?!” “Not that I’m aware.” When I tell people about my peanut butter and cheese sandwiches, inspired by the Mr. Saturns, they’re usually a little boing’d out. When I tell them about how I prep them all at once, eat them because they’re an efficient balance of nutrients, and I like ’em, they usually admit that it’s smart. There’s a “mesmerism” with eating predictable foods at predictable times. I don’t feel hunger often.
Since getting the new rower, I decided to go all out with an average set length of 30 minutes per day. Sometimes fifteen, sometimes zero, but 30’s my target almost daily. I can be honest enough with myself to differentiate laziness from fatigue, so on those “off” days, I probably give even more of myself than on the other days. I’ve also been watching videos while rowing, which… is that cheating? Should I row meditatively silent?
Although I was pushing a cart, was wearing a hat, and shaved off my beard, I walked past one of my top five favorite managers in a store without being recognized. I dropped forty-four pounds in the two years since we last talked. Weight management has always been a problem for me. I’ve burned off weight before but put it back on due to negligence. I’m confident that now I can retain this fitter identity.
A few hours after this essay’s publication, I will have a new rower. A second rower. I still have the air resistance Model B – a beautiful piece of engineering, with a great feel, which cuts through air louder than a washing machine. This new rower is, admittedly, inferior. There are things about its design I will have to acquiesce to using. However, it is quiet enough where I can row more than once a week!
I am two pounds away from weighing my lightest in ten years. Counting my calories, with clear implications that the more I snack the further I’ll travel away from my goals, has especially helped me burn off that weight. Does that weight loss necessarily correlate with my long-term fitness goals? Let’s return to 873 days ago. That’s when I first considered why I wanted to write about health and fitness: so I can better enjoy life.