Writing has, for years now, been my general health gauge. If I’m not feeling well, I don’t feel like writing. I used to have this adage regardless of what I wrote, so long as I was actually writing anything productive. I’m going to be changing this adage. If I don’t feel like thinking or writing about “The Story,” then my health is not in good shape. I haven’t felt like thinking of “The Story” lately.
I have just enough energy to write about how I’m feeling before I need to go back to sleep. I think what’s happening is that my spine is compressed in such a way where it’s pinching the nerves now in my lower back. It was my upper back. I’ve learned all the stretches I could to fix that. Now my lower back is acting up in much the same way. I’m feeling the same headaches.
When I got my headache medication, I was part of the half of people not wearing masks. We’re still early enough into current events where businesses that are remaining open have adapted. Grocery stores like this have plexiglass cashier barriers. People seem to be physically distancing themselves out well enough. For non-essential businesses like thrift stores, there’s been an increase in dumping. I drove past a few pawnshops and was surprised by what I saw…
My headaches returned with such vengeance that I had to leave work after lunch because I was in such pain. It’s like if each sentence here was punctuated by five minutes of shuttering in pain. All my physical therapy stretches were failing me. I was feeling everything I’ve written about, from the head pangs, to intense pain behind my right eye, all at once. After getting home, I zoned out as my body repaired itself…
I don’t know if it was because the roads were so clear of grease, grime, and gunk, but when I drove into work, parked my car, and got outside, I could smell my freshly-purchased tires. I’d probably put a thousand miles on them over a few months, though, so I wouldn’t have normally smelled that brand-new tire smell. Here I thought that was just a spray they used to impress potential buyers. It smelled nice.
My neck feels awful. Everything feels terrible and I hate it. Everything I’ve been taught over the past few months is not helping. Only escaping into other things, like writing this essay, are helping me out. Otherwise, I can’t concentrate. I can’t form complete sentences or even spell correctly. This is how a mindbender headache feels. I will probably have to deal with these throughout the rest of my life. There’s no cure, only mitigation.
It’s tough to get the motivation to do much of anything when my back, shoulders, neck, and therefore head all hurt to such a degree that I lose any creativity or ability to think with any nuance or mulit-task-icity… There’s not much I can do without drastic changes to everything, so I’ve just stopped rowing for a few days, and have done what I’ve could to rest my back. It’s been helpful but only somewhat.