[Sober Living] Most Insidious Thing

It never truly goes away. Despite your best intentions, and no matter how good life might appear on the outside, it’s hard to address that inner anguish that might creep in subtly as one bad day after another, with a crash bang relapse, or just randomly. How can we address that stress if we don’t express it? How can we express that stress if we don’t know we’re in it? When the pain goes away?

I don’t want to comment on specific people.

I’ve respected the efforts and outputs of many people that have killed themselves, each for their own reason, each leaving behind many people with some leaving behind more than we could ever dream.

Each example is filled with regret.

It’s hard to say why this happens, because it’s a taboo that cannot be researched in advance. There are psychological factors that can contribute, those endless hopeless days, those radical financial downturns, but what about the rest?

Aren’t we living in the best time in humanity?

There are more opportunities available now than ever before. We don’t have to fit within the old ways, conform to unfavorable norms, and are closer than ever to a true autonomy where you could live a good enough life.

And yet, that’s all external.

What if you don’t know your happiness? What if your happiness is different than your social group’s considerations of what can make you feel content? What if you don’t know that there’s this disparity in opinion?

What if it’s not that at all?

The easy answer is to tell someone about your problems. Who? If there is such societal stigma over addiction, mental health, and suicide, how can someone get help? The help is there, but it’s often seen as desperate weakness.

There’s strength in asking for help.

It’s hard to say if there are any solutions. On a personal level, we can be there for others more so that they might be there more for us, too. How about on a wider scale? What if we feel alone in a crowd? Awkward? Anxious?

How can you tell someone random you’re feeling awkward?

The stresses of technology are making us more isolated. We don’t have to worry about minor awkwardness, but without practicing overcoming that on a small scale, how can we handle awkwardness on a larger scale?

I’ve gone in that direction for a reason.

We can all feel awkward when we start a new job, meet new people, or converse about something uncomfortable. That same ubiquity doesn’t apply to suicidal thoughts.

How can we study what we don’t know?

We can start by opening the conversation about what truly bothers us. We can live with more compassion. We can demand action from our governments and leaders.

We can mourn and take action.

Hasn’t humanity progressed further in the past ten years than in all of history? If so, why can’t we progress a little further toward overall human contentment?

Addiction, pain; insidiously, it never goes away.

Quotes: None
Sources: None
Inspirations: Hearing the news about Anthony Bourdain, whose Kitchen Confidential was subtly influential to me.
Related: “Those We’ll Lose
Photo: Concrete rubble that once was something. 
Written On: June 8th, 9th
Last Edited: June 9th
(Last day essay change. Overslept and missed the 7AM deadline.)

Author: Zombiepaper (Anthony)

My big goal is to write. My important goal is to write "The Story." My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame a fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. Let's strive to be better everyday. (Avatar)

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